What I’ve Learned About Letting Go of Things I Can’t Control

Life involves many ups and downs. While we can control certain things, much of what happens is outside our control. I’ve learned some tough but valuable lessons about accepting what I cannot change and letting go in order to find more peace and happiness.

Learning to let go hasn’t been easy for me as a natural “control freak.” But it’s a crucial skill for wellbeing. Here’s my journey and the insights I’ve gained so far about letting go of what I cannot control.

The Stress of Wanting Control

I’ve always been someone who likes to problem-solve and find solutions. I tend to over-think about the future and ruminate over the past. I get attached to certain outcomes.

For a long time, I believed clinging tightly to control was positive. But in reality, it often caused me anxiety and suffering. I stressed over variables I couldn’t influence. I feared uncertainty. I tried to micromanage situations to force preferred outcomes.

This restless striving for control took so much mental energy. I was in a constant battle with reality as it was in the present moment. I now see this caused needless angst. Letting go has allowed me to channel my energy into areas where I can make an impact.

Learning to Let Go of Workplace Stress

Work often involves a mix of things within our control and things we cannot control. Early in my career, I did not separate these well.

I frequently stressed over factors entirely outside my scope like organizational changes or team members’ behaviors. When projects didn’t meet expectations due to other people dropping the ball or shifting priorities, I took it very personally and worried I wasn’t doing enough.

Over time, I’ve gotten better at distinguishing what I can and cannot control at work. I focus my energy on doing my best each day, sharing feedback constructively, and accepting the rest.

Letting go of desired work outcomes that rely on external variables has made my days much less anxious. I keep perspective by remembering that work is just one part of a fulfilling life.

Coping with Grief and Loss

Grieving the loss of a loved one has been the most painful lesson in letting go of control. When my mom died suddenly a few years ago, the depth of my sorrow derailed my mental health and life plans for a time.

In my grief, I desperately wished I could turn back time and prevent her loss. This denial and attachment to the past delayed my acceptance and healing.

With time and perspective, I’ve made peace with the fact that death is out of our hands. Rather than dwelling on hypotheticals, I try to live each day purposefully as she did.

Letting go of wishing for alternate pasts or trying to control future outcomes has allowed me to embrace life’s impermanence. I honor my mom’s memory through how I choose to live.

Being Present in Nature

Spending time in nature has shown me firsthand the futility of wanting control. Nature operates on its own schedule and rules.

Watching a spectacular sunset or whales breaching takes me out of my head. Being immersed in natural beauty and bigger cycles puts my trivial worries in perspective. Out in nature, I feel viscerally how little control I actually have in the grand scheme.

Observing nature’s detached serenity and peace has taught me to let go. I allow things to unfold naturally without trying to impose my will. I cannot control the tides, but I can choose to enjoy this moment watching them ebb and flow.

Letting Go of Expectations

I used to put a lot of stock in future plans and expectations. When life took unexpected turns, I would feel disappointed or even angry.

Over time, I’ve learned to hold plans and expectations more lightly. Now when curveballs come, I adapt more gracefully. Staying open to surprises has brought unexpected delights I could not have orchestrated myself.

Of course, having hopes and dreams is part of being human. The trick I’m learning is balancing planning for the future with accepting I cannot control everything. Letting go of rigid expectations helps me roll with life’s changes. I welcome new possibilities I couldn’t have predicted.

Relinquishing Control in Relationships

Learning to let go of close relationships has required much soul-searching. I’m learning to manage feelings when my partner makes choices I wouldn’t. I work on expressing my needs while accepting I cannot change someone else’s nature.

Letting go has meant allowing loved ones their own path while trusting our bond. It’s taken practice quieting fears over losing someone and having faith. At times, I’ve had to let go of relationships that weren’t healthy.

Loving wholeheartedly requires letting people be exactly who they are. I cannot predict or control how any relationship will unfold. But I can control how I show up with openness, generosity, and kindness.

Improving Health Issues

Health problems can make us acutely aware of physical limits to our control. Though far from perfect, I’ve tried to let go of frustration about my body’s constraints.

I’ve learned to accept realities like chronic pain or injuries that heal unpredictably. Rather than wasting energy on anger, I redirect efforts towards caring for my health the best I can – one day at a time.

Letting go of blame and expectations with health issues has allowed me to focus on gratitude. I appreciate what my body can do today, even if it’s limited. I control the power of my attitude and make space for joy despite physical challenges.

Practicing Gratitude and Mindfulness

Daily practices like gratitude and mindfulness help ground me in the present moment. Pausing to give thanks for people and aspects of life I value most has a magical way of dissolving angst over what I lack control of.

Tuning into my senses or counting blessings shifts focus away from fixating on the unchangeable. Regular mindfulness meditation has increased my capacity to observe thoughts and emotions without reacting. This helps me respond more intentionally to situations rather than impulsively trying to control everything.

Trusting a Higher Power

Letting go of control ultimately requires faith. Whether I take comfort in believing in God or simply the overall benevolence of life, I’ve found peace through letting Universal forces beyond my comprehension guide things.

Sometimes situations that seemed terribly wrong at first turned out to be great blessings eventually. This has shown me I cannot see the whole picture as Spirit does. When I release outcomes and trust there is meaning I don’t understand yet, anxiety and worry fade.

Still a Work in Progress

Learning to let go is a lifelong process. I still catch myself slipping into old control habits at times. But with practice, it gets easier to recognize when I’m fixating on the unchangeable and shift my thoughts to a more positive footing.

While I may never have total mastery over letting go, each small step brings more calmness and contentment. I aim for progress, not perfection. Over time, I developed more capacity to relax into what is rather than what “should” be.

The rewards – less stress, and more room for joy – make the effort worthwhile. With an open heart and mind, I keep evolving and discovering new depths of surrender.

The lessons continue unfolding. But trusting that this moment is exactly as it should be, right here where my feet are planted – this is the golden gift of letting go.